Was in the cab on my way to work when I heard this song and it finally hit me.... Am not alone but am I lonely?... Not about someone holding my hand when needed...not for the goodnight kiss or random i love you's....am just alone feeling so lonely.... Self pity..guess so.... I am so damn afraid that am gonna be alone there in a few months...new place, new friends...new everything.... I might be singing this song over there... But I hope I wont be feeling lonely being alone out there......
Haist life
When I was young I never needed anyone And making love was just for fun Those days are gone Livin' alone I think of all the friends I've known When I dial the telephone Nobody's home
All by myself Don't wanna be All by myself Anymore
Hard to be sure Sometimes I feel so insecure And loves so distant and obscure Remains the cure
All by myself Don't wanna be All by myself Anymore All by myself Don't wanna live All by myself Anymore
When I was young I never needed anyone Making love was just for fun Those days are gone
All by myself Don't wanna be All by myself Anymore All by myself Don't wanna live Oh Don't wanna live By myself, by myself Anymore By myself Anymore Oh All by myself Don't wanna live I never, never, never Needed anyone
Was in the cab on my way to work when I heard this song and it finally hit me.... Am not alone but am lonely... Not about someone holding my hand when needed...not for the goodnnight kiss or random i love you's....am just alone feeling so lonely.... Self pity..guess so.... I am so damn afraid that am gonna be alone there in a few months...new place, new friends...new everything.... I might be singing this song over there... But I hope I wont be feeling lonely being alone out there......
Haist life
When I was young I never needed anyone And making love was just for fun Those days are gone Livin' alone I think of all the friends I've known When I dial the telephone Nobody's home
All by myself Don't wanna be All by myself Anymore
Hard to be sure Sometimes I feel so insecure And loves so distant and obscure Remains the cure
All by myself Don't wanna be All by myself Anymore All by myself Don't wanna live All by myself Anymore
When I was young I never needed anyone Making love was just for fun Those days are gone
All by myself Don't wanna be All by myself Anymore All by myself Don't wanna live Oh Don't wanna live By myself, by myself Anymore By myself Anymore Oh All by myself Don't wanna live I never, never, never Needed anyone
& our love goes round and round;
1:06 PM
Friday, June 13, 2008
What time do you usually wake up? When I have work...I usu wake up at 1am or when Iam in undertime I need to wake at 3;15...in time for my 2:30 am and 4:30 shifts respectively...when it's my off I need to wake up before 9am no matter how puyat Iam or else my head will freakin ache!!!!
What’s the first thing you do?
Snooze the alarm, check my text msgs...
Breakfast?
I want rice and ulam eh Do you go to work/school? Yes. Work.
Do you like it?
Kinda..usually no eheheh If you stay at home, what do you do all day? I usually do my laundry, fix my things,internet and be a couch potato
When’s lunch and what you do usually eat? I usually have my lunch at work...usually jollibee, jollijeep..heheh What time do you get home from work/school? Between 1-till 6pm when it's my off. What do you do? say hello to my folks and dogs...wash my hands and sit in the couch and watch tv or turn on the comp and surf na... Dinner: When and what? Usually 7-8pm....khet ano home cooked sympre..the best What do you do to unwind? eat out, watch movies and shop What’s your favorite part of the day? uwian from work. Who’s your favorite person to interact with? my parents...kuya on ym....
When’s bedtime? lately bet 7-9pm..... Who’s bedtime with? lately I sleep on the couch no aircon for me since I cough like a dog the past few days.....
I tag you!!!
& our love goes round and round;
3:58 PM
Monday, June 02, 2008
Shocked..almost tripped on megamall....
Haist..why now?
& our love goes round and round;
2:30 AM
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Met with a former officemate yesterday, and from there I knew something from another ex officemate slash friend? I dunno what to say....I don't even know if I will feel sorry or feel guilty that for the last two weeks I gave up on him and even felt bad that he is not responding to any of my texts and even replying to any of my message on ym. We were the kind of friends who would knew what we were feeling about something, usually eats out and go to movies after our offs..the only person who would upfront tell me how dumb Iam for loving someone who's not so worth it...two weeks ago I rcvd a virus message from him and he immedietely logged out of ym...I was so shocked and hurt..if it was him really...but he never spoke a word to any of my questions...never reacted to any of my text messages...we were laughing so hard the last day I saw him in the office and days after I would just know from our TL he was quitting..... Hayy, what's the use of me venting out....ewan...I dunno...i just felt it was so unfair of him leaving his friends this way....clueless..until I heard his story from another person....I wished I knew how to react the friend way....but none of those moved me...I even reacted negatively bout his life these days...I just uttered.."OK...but I dunno what to say....If he has that problem..Iam sorry but Iam sorry if I don't give a big deal about it...he chose to isolate himself...not saying a word...he left..and l gave up na on him..yeah he is still a friend but am just hurt that he has to leave that way...." Darn...last night...when I came home, I felt guilty........ I wandered how he survived the things that has been happening to him, but does he care that his friend cares..I dunno...I really dunno. Maybe I felt bad that from the team Iam one of his closest...that he eventually chose to say something from one of our friends...but it was not it..it's him leaving anmd burdening all his worries all by himself I texted him almost a month ago that am just around..I will listen..I just need to know if he is OK...eventually he chose to shut up..and shut us down...
I remember one time last April..we were chatting..was so honest how sad Iam...he told me cheer up..and eventually said this song is for me....
Bat your eyes girl Be otherworldly Count your blessings Seduce a stranger What's so wrong With being happy? Kudos to those who See through sickness
I suggest we Learn to love ourselves Before it's made illegal When will we learn When will we change Just in time to see it All come down
Floating in this cosmic Jacuzzi We are like frogs oblivious To the water starting to boil Now I flinch and We all float face down
-Warning by Incubus]
Nyak...how ironic..you left without warning.....
I may have literally said I gave up on you....I dunno if I really did.... But like what I said...I don't give up on people...I don't easily give up on people Especially friends...
You know where to reach me...
& our love goes round and round;
1:54 PM
Monday, May 12, 2008
I thought was not gonna cry that hard as I did last night.... Heheh, it's not about him I swear... It's about me being lost...freaking lost and insecured.... I just realized how far they have all gone and went to their goals...and me...because am such a chicken, I wasted my time thinking Iam OK...I was until finally it hit me.... It's about time I do my moves and I don't freaking care how hard until I get there....
I hope I will be tougher and be positive about these things,Iam smiling and all but deep inside am so lost and lame..... Hayyy..... Again one of those days....DOWNTIMES
& our love goes round and round;
5:08 AM
Thursday, May 08, 2008
I think I needed that 2 days with him...2 freaking days to sort out and check on differences... I know I have been so blatanly crazy saying it's done..its over what is done is done...but I just have a lot of questions on my mind.... I have finally asked him to tell evrything talk to me but I have made it clear that it won't make any difference..what was done was done and no amount of apology or tears will change my mind in saying that what we have may be wrong or right but whatever the case...it's still a no go. I dunno we went to the beach..there was no plan whatever...Puerto Galera ...was such a far away place but we needed to be in a far away land..atleast...we dont have to think about hiding...and to make sure we'll have those days for us. It was awkward and I hid it from my friends...it was really a get away but not on the purpose of hiding everything from our friends...I guess he was pressured enough by our other friends to talk to me several times and I was as well and I guess that is the least thing we needed...to be pressured by our common friends to speak out and sort our silly minds. It took him to just text me that Sunday morning to just say "Let's go to Galera" And I texted back "OK"
Before I knew it, he fetch me at the house....Off we went to Puerto Galera... Have a lot of doubts both on myself and him but we just needed that time alone and to make sure that we will really talk and just set our thinking to sort our minds that we needed a CLOSURE...for peace of mind and for us to eventually move on our lives....I guess it was about time we hear what we have to say to each other...for almost two years I relied on his explanation on texts, on email on short chit chats....which Im afraid could not answer that what if's and whys in our lives...I needed the direct answer and however painful the sad reality is..I JUST HAVE TO HEAR EVERYTHING...INCLUDING THE F*CKING REAL THING FROM HIM..........
TWO weeks ago it started with a coffee and continued in sessions of vodka and margarita...ended drunk..yet so brave to speak out...I tell you...I could'nt possibly be so true when Iam mad..am so afraid to hurt the other person even if Iam friggin mad...even Iam provoked..you can never hear me say hurtful things...even if the other person deserves it...most of my friends say I needed to blurt and spurt it all out so I wont be hurt so bad in the end...I should have listened..but I CANNOT...GET MAD...AS MUCH AS I WANT TO.
I know at the back of my mind am hoping and hoping againts hope...I know i can never believe in him wholeheartedly...but to end my agonizing pain..to my countless questions...I needed to say something....
I QUIT.... I DON'T THINK IT'S WORTH THE PAIN..THE TEARS....THE TIME...
(to be continued)
& our love goes round and round;
7:49 AM
Friday, April 18, 2008
It could all be so simple But youd rather make it hard Loving you is like a battle And we both end up with scars Tell me, who I have to be To get some reciprocity see No one loves you more than me And no one ever will
Is this just a silly game That forces you to act this way Forces you to scream my name Then pretend that you cant stay Tell me, who I have to be To get some reciprocity see No one loves you more than me And no one ever will
No matter how I think we grow You always seem to let me know It aint workin It aint workin And when I try to walk away Youd hurt yourself to make me stay This is crazy This is crazy
I keep letting you back in How can I explain myself As painful as this thing has been I just cant be with no one else See I know what we got to do You let go and Ill let go too cause no ones hurt me more than you
And no one ever will ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Nuthin...just heard this song by Lauryn Hill while am on the net.... Hayy.... Sentimental!!!!
But I kinda relate to it
& our love goes round and round;
10:04 AM
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Shocked..almost tripped on megamall....
Met with a former officemate yesterday, and from there I knew something from another ex officemate slash friend?
I thought was not gonna cry that hard as I did last night....